I am going to take this opportunity to rebut something that a friend of mine said.
Recently on his blog, Charles gave a glowing review of Spring in Georgia. He spoke of the beauty and the tranquil nature of the time of year.
I'm here to tell you that is a lie. If there is indeed a Hell, Georgia in Spring is a clear reflection of it.
Oh, the trees and the sky might be beautiful, but that beauty is only surface deep. Beneath it is a terror of immense proportion. For you see, Spring in Georgia means only one thing to me: pollen.
You might think that is an annoyance, and very little else, but it isn't. You see, Georgia has a special agreement with pollen. All the pollen that isn't allowed to show up in any other part of the world at this time is relocated to Georgia so that it can romp around and have fun with all the other pollen.
I mean, that has to be the case, right?
The Atlanta Allergy Clinic has a daily pollen meter, letting you know the pollen count and its relative danger to anyone who has reactions to said pollen. Most places have a high pollen count near 100, making it a high pollen, but not quite in the dangerous range. Anything over 125 is considered dangerous.
The pollen count today is 5,499.
You read correctly. Five-thousand four-hundred and ninety-nine. Aw heck, for simplicity sake let's go ahead and round it up to 5,500. That makes the pollen count 44 TIMES the dangerous level of pollen.
Let me put it another way. My truck and my wife's car are both an odd yellow color. They weren't when we bought our vehicles, but they are today, and probably will be for a while. They are covered in a layer of pollen. This normally happens when the numerous pine trees of the area start to pollenate. They haven't started yet. What we have right now is Oak, Sweet Gum, Sycamore, Birch, Mulberry, and Beech. Of those six trees, I am allergic to...all of them.
So, right now I'm sleeping a lot. Over 12 hours a day, and the times that I'm not sleeping, I'm tired and thinking about sleep. It is absolutely miserable right now. Spring in Georgia is the absolute worst time of year. I dread it's coming, and hate it when it is here.
Therefore, I refute the idea that Spring is pretty. The flowers and other colors that debut around this time are beautiful, but beauty is only surface deep, and the tiny terror that lies beneath the beauty attacks deep.
About Me
- Brett Brooks
- I've been me as long as I've been alive. I'm originally from Fort Wayne, IN, and then moved to Marietta, GA at the age of 13, where I still live today. I met my wife on my 23rd birthday, and then married her nine years later, and have been married to her ever since.
6 comments:
You know, while I was missing the Georgia Spring that Charles desribed, I all but forgot about how bad my allergic reaction to pollen had become. Suffice it to say, there are few pinetrees in Texas. Dodged a bullet I did!
This is the time of year I dread putting in my contacts. Somehow the pollen dries out my eyes, making the contacts fairly useless, blurry, and likely to fall out, while at the same time burning like gasoline at random moments.
Now, Brett. You know I never lie. Of course the only thing I'm allergic to is fish, and the airborne fish count has been surprisingly good this year...
I've always viewed pollen as nature's way of raining spring colors on everything...
Of course, I have no allergies.
I suspect that allergies are a figment of the imagination of those who just want to sleep more...
In ancient days, pollen was believed to be an herb of demons, causing ordinary, innocent folk to become brainless, shambling monsters.
Thus, the origin of the zombie.
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