Happy Holidays

Sure, it's been about three months since I posted, but that doesn't mean that I've been sitting around doing nothing. In fact, I've been doing so much that I haven't really had time to post here. But that changes today! ...well, I guess that was obvious...

I want to talk about Christmas. Not the holiday itself, but the joyous act of gift giving. To the point where I have decided that I want to post...

The Top Gifts I Am NOT Giving This Year!

Gift That Inspired This List

That would be the Zen Moving Dolphin. I saw this wonder at Macy's earlier today, and it took my breath away. Not in a good way, either. This magical monument consists of several pieces of plastic, carefully molded to look like a dolphin when put together--think of a dolphin that has been cut into layers and then reassembled. The beautiful part of this sculpture is that the pieces undulate up and down to mimic the motion of a dolphin swimming. And you can have it for only $80.00. Wow. Who DOESN'T want that under their tree?...

Gift That I Wanted To Get My WIfe That Would Have Pissed Off PETA

Belk's at Town Center has a fur department. They have an absolutely gorgeous shaved mink coat that would have looked spectacular on Allyson. Alas, though, I didn't have the $3000.00 it would have taken to bring the thing home. Here's hoping for that Christmas Lottery miracle!

Gift That I Would Love To Get Everyone Who Wears Glasses

I have laser eyes now. About two months back I went and had my eyes sliced open and then zapped with a machine that made it so I no longer have to wear glasses. It's an amazing thing. It is wonderful to be able to see things with my own eyes, instead of having to rely on a piece of plastic to see...well, anything. I was pretty much legally blind before hand, and now I have 20/15 vision. Technology is a miracle. It's also expensive as hell, so, again, I can't afford it. But I recommend it to anyone that might be thinking about it. (I saw Dr. K at Piedmont Better Vision. They have financing.)

Gift That Everyone Asks About But I Couldn't Find

Peace on Earth. I looked everywhere, honest. Nobody has it in stock. Go figure.

Gift That Nobody Should Ever Have, Ever. I Mean It.

A cystourethroscopy. You don't want it, honest. I had one last week. It's no fun. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that when they say "your clinching, can you relax?", it's something easier to ask than do. Oh, and I'm fine. The results were great and I'm okay.

Gift That I Want To Give My Team

Anything at this point would be an improvement. The Atlanta Falcons have had the single worst twelve month span of any professional football team in history. Everything that could have turned against them, has, and it looks like a long road to recovery. Unfortunately there isn't much that I can give them except support, which I will do every week. So, I guess I am giving them something, after all...

So, for today, that is my list. If I think of other things to add to it, I will. But I do want to give one thing to everyone taking the time to read this, especially after me not posting for about three months:

Merry Christmas!