I have been going about things all wrong.
Normally, I am the type of person who will research what they want to purchase, search around for the best price or deal on the decided product, and then make my purchase. And normally, I do these things either through the magic of the internet or at a store that specializes in such product. But why? Why am I going to all that trouble, when clearly there is a superior method.
I should just buy what they advertise on streetcorners.
That's right! The time-honored practice of advertising goods and services at a bust intersection is clearly what I should use to make my buying decisions! After all, for as long as I can remember in my forty-plus years I've been seeing things advertised by the marketing geniuses that have gone to all the trouble to put a sign in the dirt. Sometimes, they don't even put them in the dirt, but hire professionals to stand at the corner with a sign looking dapper and professional in order to inspire us to come into their place of business to spend copious amounts of money.
Oh, and it isn't just retail products that you can buy. Oh no!
You can get daycare service for your children, thus insuring nothing but the finest of upbringing for the fruit of your loins (not to be confused with the Fruit of the Looms, which would be at one of the other places advertised).
You can get healthcare services and advise. Worried about your health? So are the countless number of caring individuals that have gone to great lengths to get you to call their clearly posted phone number.
And housing? Well, what type of housing ISN'T advertised by the side of the road? And I'm not talking directions to a subdivision, either. I'm talking full-on home loans and direct offers to purchase homes for your ease of mind.
Not sure what you want to buy? Not a problem! Sometimes the people who put out these signs aren't clear on what they want to sell! Just look for a vague name and/or title with a phone number attached to it, and you will get that surprise shopping experience that you've been dreaming about.
In fact, I don't even know why I'm bothering to write this. If I want to get something out there that people will really notice, I need to break out my cardboard and markers--or if I'm feeling really daring, go to my local Kinko's to get something professionally created--and let the world know.
Viva Le Advertising Revolution!!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
On Birds and Dogs
Let’s get this stated up front: I am an Atlanta Falcons fan. Have been for years. Years that pre-date the turn of the century.
Another thing up front: I like dogs. They are cute and fun to play with, and can be great companions.
Right now, as an Atlanta Falcons fan, I am very, very concerned. And yes, it all stems from Michael Vick.
Again, let’s get this out front: what Mike Vick is accused of doing is deplorable. It is inhumane and unfathomable by myself. And, as a Falcon’s fan, I am going to be very upset if he misses any games (as I am guessing that he will—if not all of them). And while I have enjoyed watching him on the field, and have always felt that when he was out there the Falcons had a better chance of winning, I am not a Mike Vick fan. I am an Atlanta Falcons fan. I will cheer for the team no matter who is playing quarterback.
Now, with all that said, the idiotic actions that occurred in Virginia that have led to an indictment against Michael Vick may be the worst thing that has happened to a professional sports franchise in my lifetime.
Let me explain.
It is a long-standing, non-written statement in Hollywood that you can kill as many people as you want in a movie, but you should never, ever kill a dog on screen. It turns the crowd against the film in a heartbeat.
That is because, as a species, we can forgive someone for killing, maiming, or otherwise harming an adult human. But killing a dog? That’s wrong. That’s unforgivable. That is the type of thing that creates animosity on an amazing level.
With that in mind, the accusations against Mike Vick not only reflect on him as a person, but ultimately on the Atlanta Falcons as an organization. Why? Because PETA can’t picket Mike Vick’s house and get the attention that they will if they picket the Georgia Dome. Because, whether or not Mike Vick is actually with the team this year, fans in other cities won’t get a chance to target Vick by holding up signs that condemn the team without the Falcons being there. The Falcons and their organization will be the target of reprisal for this indictment.
Now, let’s say that somehow Mike Vick gets acquitted. He is found not-guilty by a jury of his peers. What then?
Not much different from what will happen than if he is found guilty, in regards to the Falcons as a team. The team will pay the price either way—though it would be, undoubtedly, a more severe response if he is found guilty. But if he is found innocent, and he is on the field, there are going to be those that feel they got the verdict wrong. That he is guilty, and they will make their piece known. They will picket the games, they will raise their signs, and…well, who knows how bad they might get?
So, maybe the Falcons need to let Mike Vick go now?
It’s not that simple. Aside from the financial hit the team would take due to the way that the NFL structures payroll and cap limitations, until he is picked up by another team (an unlikely scenario at this time) he will still be associated with the Falcons. And every single game, whether at home or on the road, will carry the shadow of dog fighting over it. Every game will have the picketers, the signs, and the cat calls towards the team with or without Mike there. Whether he is on the team or not.
Simply put, there is no good that can come of this. This is a shadow that will haunt the team for years, and will cause more problems than anything else that has ever happened to the team.
And that is simply due to the fact that humans have a place for dogs that does, in fact, sit above the life of a human. There have been plenty of incidents against humans that have plagued NFL players, and they have all been forgiven. But none of them has ever had anything against a dog—at least not on this scale—until now.
Whether he is innocent or guilty, the actions or lack thereof by Michael Vick have cast a bleak shadow over the Atlanta Falcons for the foreseeable future.
And speaking as a person who once stood up and cheered when he made some of the amazing plays that only an athlete of his caliber could, I am sad today. I am sad that, due to the stupid actions of one person, my team is suffering from something that they don’t deserve.
My team, the Atlanta Falcons, have a black eye. And they didn’t even throw a punch.
Another thing up front: I like dogs. They are cute and fun to play with, and can be great companions.
Right now, as an Atlanta Falcons fan, I am very, very concerned. And yes, it all stems from Michael Vick.
Again, let’s get this out front: what Mike Vick is accused of doing is deplorable. It is inhumane and unfathomable by myself. And, as a Falcon’s fan, I am going to be very upset if he misses any games (as I am guessing that he will—if not all of them). And while I have enjoyed watching him on the field, and have always felt that when he was out there the Falcons had a better chance of winning, I am not a Mike Vick fan. I am an Atlanta Falcons fan. I will cheer for the team no matter who is playing quarterback.
Now, with all that said, the idiotic actions that occurred in Virginia that have led to an indictment against Michael Vick may be the worst thing that has happened to a professional sports franchise in my lifetime.
Let me explain.
It is a long-standing, non-written statement in Hollywood that you can kill as many people as you want in a movie, but you should never, ever kill a dog on screen. It turns the crowd against the film in a heartbeat.
That is because, as a species, we can forgive someone for killing, maiming, or otherwise harming an adult human. But killing a dog? That’s wrong. That’s unforgivable. That is the type of thing that creates animosity on an amazing level.
With that in mind, the accusations against Mike Vick not only reflect on him as a person, but ultimately on the Atlanta Falcons as an organization. Why? Because PETA can’t picket Mike Vick’s house and get the attention that they will if they picket the Georgia Dome. Because, whether or not Mike Vick is actually with the team this year, fans in other cities won’t get a chance to target Vick by holding up signs that condemn the team without the Falcons being there. The Falcons and their organization will be the target of reprisal for this indictment.
Now, let’s say that somehow Mike Vick gets acquitted. He is found not-guilty by a jury of his peers. What then?
Not much different from what will happen than if he is found guilty, in regards to the Falcons as a team. The team will pay the price either way—though it would be, undoubtedly, a more severe response if he is found guilty. But if he is found innocent, and he is on the field, there are going to be those that feel they got the verdict wrong. That he is guilty, and they will make their piece known. They will picket the games, they will raise their signs, and…well, who knows how bad they might get?
So, maybe the Falcons need to let Mike Vick go now?
It’s not that simple. Aside from the financial hit the team would take due to the way that the NFL structures payroll and cap limitations, until he is picked up by another team (an unlikely scenario at this time) he will still be associated with the Falcons. And every single game, whether at home or on the road, will carry the shadow of dog fighting over it. Every game will have the picketers, the signs, and the cat calls towards the team with or without Mike there. Whether he is on the team or not.
Simply put, there is no good that can come of this. This is a shadow that will haunt the team for years, and will cause more problems than anything else that has ever happened to the team.
And that is simply due to the fact that humans have a place for dogs that does, in fact, sit above the life of a human. There have been plenty of incidents against humans that have plagued NFL players, and they have all been forgiven. But none of them has ever had anything against a dog—at least not on this scale—until now.
Whether he is innocent or guilty, the actions or lack thereof by Michael Vick have cast a bleak shadow over the Atlanta Falcons for the foreseeable future.
And speaking as a person who once stood up and cheered when he made some of the amazing plays that only an athlete of his caliber could, I am sad today. I am sad that, due to the stupid actions of one person, my team is suffering from something that they don’t deserve.
My team, the Atlanta Falcons, have a black eye. And they didn’t even throw a punch.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
In Praise of Bad
I have a bad habit. Or rather, I have a habit of bad. Namely, I have a bad habit of watching bad movies. And let's make no mistake, I KNOW that some of the movies that I watch are bad. Very, very bad.
But there is something about those gawd-awful films that brings me back again and again. I take great delight in watching wretched acting and directing combine with a bad idea to become something special. It even predates my love of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (one of the greatest television series in history, if you ask me), as I would drag my friends to the theatre to watch horrible films.
Now that isn't to say that I ONLY like bad films. Not even close. I love a well made, well acted, skillfully written film. I have an extensive DVD collection, and--with the exception of probably the Godzilla collection--they are all quality films in my mind.
So, if I'm not watching them on DVD where do I get the bad films that I enjoy? Why, from the Sci-Fi Channel, of course! Every Saturday night the Sci-Fi channel airs a new masterpiece of drek that keeps me entertained in it's amazing badness. Well, most of the time. Sometimes they air quality movies, and then sometimes...well, sometimes there are moments like the one I have to talk about.
A couple of weeks ago the Sci-Fi Channel debuted a film that they called Stan Lee's Harpies. Um...oh my gawd. I couldn't finish it. It was too bad. It was so bad that I didn't know what to mock. I didn't know where to laugh and where to just sit slack-jawed in shock. It was a movie so bad that it made the bad movies they show seem...good. The acting was deplorable. The directing was amaturish, at best. But it was really the writing that took this film to new lowes. The writing...no, wait, I have respect for writers; the word-assembler that constructed this "story" did an exceptional job of taking every hack premise and phrase and bringing them to a new low.
I really don't have a joke to make about it. Honestly, the movie was just that bad.
But I haven't given up hope. I know that somewhere out there Kevin Van Hook is working on another movie that will bring a smile to my face--just not in the way that he was hoping. But I'm a fan of Kevin's. I've seen The Fallen Ones probably six or seven times. And each time it gets sillier and more inane. And that's just fine for me.
But there is something about those gawd-awful films that brings me back again and again. I take great delight in watching wretched acting and directing combine with a bad idea to become something special. It even predates my love of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (one of the greatest television series in history, if you ask me), as I would drag my friends to the theatre to watch horrible films.
Now that isn't to say that I ONLY like bad films. Not even close. I love a well made, well acted, skillfully written film. I have an extensive DVD collection, and--with the exception of probably the Godzilla collection--they are all quality films in my mind.
So, if I'm not watching them on DVD where do I get the bad films that I enjoy? Why, from the Sci-Fi Channel, of course! Every Saturday night the Sci-Fi channel airs a new masterpiece of drek that keeps me entertained in it's amazing badness. Well, most of the time. Sometimes they air quality movies, and then sometimes...well, sometimes there are moments like the one I have to talk about.
A couple of weeks ago the Sci-Fi Channel debuted a film that they called Stan Lee's Harpies. Um...oh my gawd. I couldn't finish it. It was too bad. It was so bad that I didn't know what to mock. I didn't know where to laugh and where to just sit slack-jawed in shock. It was a movie so bad that it made the bad movies they show seem...good. The acting was deplorable. The directing was amaturish, at best. But it was really the writing that took this film to new lowes. The writing...no, wait, I have respect for writers; the word-assembler that constructed this "story" did an exceptional job of taking every hack premise and phrase and bringing them to a new low.
I really don't have a joke to make about it. Honestly, the movie was just that bad.
But I haven't given up hope. I know that somewhere out there Kevin Van Hook is working on another movie that will bring a smile to my face--just not in the way that he was hoping. But I'm a fan of Kevin's. I've seen The Fallen Ones probably six or seven times. And each time it gets sillier and more inane. And that's just fine for me.
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