Verbanizing Our Vocabulation

I have a degree in English. What this means varies from person to person. Some feel that it makes me a pretentious ass, who speaks as though he was better than everyone around them. Others feel that I wasted my education completely. And yet others--the ones that know me better--doubt this completely and/or think that the college I went to must hand out degrees to anyone who gives them enough money.

What it means to me is that I grind my teeth when I see the horrible things that have happened to the English language in the past couple of decades.

Now, I'm sure that cringing at the abuse the language takes has been going on as long as people have been studying language, but since I have only been alive during my lifetime (that I can tell, anyway), I'm going to focus on that. And more specifically, what seems to be happening more and more and more...and that would be creating new words out of old words in entirely the wrong way.

This is recently inspired by two instances inside of 24 hours. Tonight, coming back from picking up a quick dinner, I saw a place called Synergenistic Fitness. Not Synergy Fitness, or even Synergistic Fitness, but Synergenistic Fitness. Maybe it was a typo. Maybe I misread it (God, I hope I misread it...), but I fear not.

The other comes from watching a train wreck of a television series called Kymora: Life in the Fab Lane yesterday and hearing the model/entrepreneur/egomaniac the show is about refer to her life as Fabulosity. And that was no typo or me mishearing it. She said it several times. Wow. That takes some thinking to figure out.

And those are just two recent examples. The habit of "verbing" words makes no sense to me. Someone the other day told me that they had just "iPodded" some songs. Huh? It was bad enough that "Photoshop" became a verb, but I think that things are progressing far too quickly down this path. I dunno, maybe I'm too old, but it bugs me.

I, for one, would like to address this phenomenon in the only way that I can think to handle it...

Personally, I find this creativiosity to be most enlightenish. Creating a sensationly moment in my life, enhancenating even the most awesometastic happenstuff that could ever flowup to my brainly craters. But, depressionally considerating the ramificationing of the verbinations that might be creationated from this phenomenons, I wisenly figure that all intellegentsia that could inhabinate the planet could resultify in my own personalizified irradicadory moment aidicated from an outside accomplimentary person wieldifiying a projectilized weapon.

In other words: shoot me now...shoot me now...

Not Quite There...

I was born in the south. I was raised in the north. I moved back to the south just in time to finish high school, and have lived here ever since. I like it here, and consider myself a southerner at this point, with no plans to leave.

But that doesn't mean that I'm fully to that "Southerner" point by all standards. And I had that illustrated by a simple fact that I never heard before, and it still seems more than a little odd to me.

Namely, it seems that there was--and possibly still is--a habit of putting peanuts in Coca-Cola. Let me say that again. Peanuts put in Coca-Cola.

Yeah, it doesn't matter how many times I say it or write it, it just sounds...wrong. I like peanuts. I don't dislike Coca-Cola (though there are many other better soft drinks out there, in my opinion). But the idea of the two of them together just seem horrible. And not in a small way, either.

My wife, who told me of this tradition, claims that it was so that the salt on the peanuts would keep the carbonation going longer, but wouldn't it be easier to just add salt? Peanuts don't just taste like salt; they have a distinct flavor of their own, and that flavor doesn't exactly scream Coke to me.

So, while this probably isn't a common tradition in the region anymore, it does make me realize that--even though the south is my home--I'm not really a southerner. In fact, I'm not a northerner, either. Or really, a midwesterner, being raised in Indiana. I'm just me, which is fine. I just happen to be happy living in the south, and I plan to be here for a long, long time. It's a great place, really.

Well, except for the pollen. But that was my rant from last year about this time. It still sucks, to be honest.